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Trauma, triggers 

I just realized that well, another emotional flashback trigger!!

When people tell me that things I see, are likely caused by other things.

Coming again from yours truly, my bio mother, who always told me that what I perceive as a reality isn't real and only her truth is the real one.

For example, I have food sensivities, when I said I don't like that food, I was forced to lie, so she could feel better, at my expense

On a related note, I need to tell my mom that there is a strict boundary.

Which is, I live in my world and she lives in hers and I don't want to know about her world at all, same as she doesn't care of what's going in my world.

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anti-covid propaganda 

Was outside to get groceries and saw a flyer thingy and just...
"Save Germany! Save the People! Fight the mask fascism, the government enacts on us!"

And like.... dude, you don't know what words mean, chill and put your fucking mask on, so we can get over with this.

TL;DR

"What should other people think?" is concern trolling to control other people actions and appearances.

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The most important lesson, I learned, while fighting with my bio mother for years:
"What should people (aka strangers) think!?" is just a means of control.
Because if people don't want to like you and don't find a reason, they make one up.

But it is a very good way to control others, make them only do what you allow them to do and most notably: keep closeted LGBTA+ kids closeted for as long as possible.

It's big Friday & the it's time for zooms! :whats_this: The Pupmobile has been pupgraded, so it's time to take it out for space zooms in Pupperframe. :pupper_zoom: ^-^
:heart_crown: twitch.tv/ulvra :heart_crown:

childhood trauma (-) 

Also I thought about running away a few times, but being on the street, on my own (where being abandoned is also a pretty big trigger)

Yeah.... not gonna happen

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childhood trauma (-) 

The more I think about my childhood, the more I realize that I was more a prisoner, than anything else.

I mean, I could've run away, but where? My parents had no friends when I was a child, so I could only run to bio family, where I wouldn't be save either.

It's midweek Friday & it's time to stream! :whats_this: Tonight tightening our sails, grasping the rudder & once more setting off into the world of Windbound. :pupper_zoom:
:heart_crown: twitch.tv/ulvra :heart_crown:

trauma mention (-) 

The bad thing is decades of trauma of course. And that each identity you create feel phony, because you don't know what "having an identity" is supposed to feel like.

Then, again, I have no clue how most things are supposed to feel like, due to lack of experience.

I mean, what does being sad actually feel like?

Anyway, you're awesome.

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I guess one good thing about not having an identity for most of your life, is

that you are at an age now, where you can literally be anything you want and nobody can really question you. Like.. I'm a cow, deal with it.
I''m also an AI often, because it's cool being one.

And you can't do anything about it!

It's big Friday & it's time for a stream! :whats_this: Tonight returning to our little workshop & our new little friends in the lands of Puptia. :pupper_wag:
:heart_crown: twitch.tv/ulvra :heart_crown:

Got a new PSU for my SMS II today and an antenna cable and the first thing I've done is playing Sonic the Hedgehog (8-bit pre-installed) on it.

Also pretty excited, because this means I can play my own games on it, at some point.

Also I exclude girlfriends/friends here, kinda because like. I expect them to respect my boundaries and chosen them, because they do.

This is more about a person I am forced to interact with, doing so.

And yes, it''s from childhood trauma.

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To be honest, you can't imagine how good it feels for somebody respecting your boundaries, who isn't supposed to.
Like just doing it, because they have enough human decency to do so.

It's backup big Friday & it's time to stream! :whats_this: Tonight returning not just to the universe of - but also to thé Monkey Island, to start our quest for new chewies! :pupper_wag:
:heart_crown: twitch.tv/ulvra :heart_crown:

It's midweek Friday & time for a stream! :whats_this: Tonight back on the seas, searching for a mud digger. :pupper_zoom:
:heart_crown: twitch.tv/ulvra :heart_crown:

Worked 2h today, most work gone into level select and I am far from finished.

The biggest source of complexity, is that I allow non-linear progression.

That means, that levels have certain requirements to be unlocked and challenges and badges.

All of that data needs to be processed, checked and displayed in the level select. It's a bit, but should allow for fun.

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