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MH (~), transness, help appreciated 

Though, considering that nobody suggested stuff to me or pushed me or stuff.

I experimented with a feminine experience/representation all on my own. Nobody really guided me at the beginning, I did everything on my own.

But of course it's not "the trans experience"

Like until I left my parents (and shortly before), I was just what people expected me to be. I was a mask, not a person.

I couldn't even define myself at all

Now I'm a trans cow girl game maker

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MH (-), transness, help appreciated 

So, dunno. Anyone else had these things before they started HRT?

Like sorta self-doubt manifesting into such extreme things? Also being pretty self-destructive by fetishizing transphobic stuff

Probably not as extreme as I do, I assume, but also my brain is just bad at stuff, especially when left alone with things.

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MH (-), transness, help appreciated 

So, getting more and more doubts about stuff the closer it gets, also seeing that the more I work towards getting HRT, the more my brain fetishizes transphobic stuff and get off to it.

When I was in hospital for trans stuff, Sabby was pretty quiet most of the time, but when on my own he became more frequent.
He grew silent completely mostly since moocub is around and since after that massive crash.

babyfur game idea, I got inspired to by people in a babyfur telegram channel 

"Among us" like game, but it's called "Who's the stinker?"

And the goal is to find out, who needs a change.

MH (~) 

Feeling pretty clingy and restless today, so that's a thing

Did a moo drawing today, in hopes it gets me inspired with games.

I know I have to finish other games, but I also have 0 motivation and not doing much also gets onto my mood, so yeah.

Anyway, have 16x16 pixel moocub

babyfur, drawn eye contact 

@behold3r Totally forgot!

This is the colored version.

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Also even though my timeline is like 5 or so people, I think that's fine still.


Guess I found out why things getting quieter, but also got confirmed what I thought before.

Not much I can do though.
I can try to provide a safe space, but I can't fight and change an entire system.

So got a sweater with thumbholes in it's sleeves, which makes them go over my palms and I love wearing it like that.

Mostly because it feels like the sweater is too big for me though and thus I'm smol

story of the early Minecraft (2009) 

Back in 2009, at the dawn of Minecraft, I wrote the first-ever custom Minecraft server software, using a small proxy to reverse-engineer the simple and unencrypted networking format. Before that, there was only creative mode client hacks (noclip, fly, superspeed) and simplistic console wrappers ("if !kick appears in chat, send /kick to the server" kinda crap).

My custom server's initial features included the first custom world generation, anti-cheats (no flying! no superspeed! no standing inside solid blocks!), the ability for server mods to turn invisible (to "spectate" new players), red player names for admins, and the ability to save/load multiple maps on the fly, (hopefully) without disconnecting anyone.

Initially everyone was thrilled and I was heralded as the "Minecraft Hacking God", but when I planned to release the software publicly for free and open-source, the community forum moderator suddenly did a 180 and threatened to ban me, taking issue with the fact that users would be able to program their own minigames before the official survival multiplayer came out.

"You're stealing money from Notch", they claimed, thinking that a quick 'n dirty Counter-Strike style "Zombies" game mode would be somehow equivocal to the premium "official" mobs that would soon follow, which included zombies as a staple, and therefore nobody would have a reason to buy the full version of the game anymore.

So instead of releasing the software for free, publicly, on the Minecraft forums... I just left my email address and told everyone to send me $10 if they want it.

A few people eagerly bought it. They didn't know how to mod it, so they sent it to the first person they encountered who claimed to be able to program. Then those people, perhaps not realizing this was paid software, would run it themselves and also freely give it away to literally anyone who joins their server and asks.

Thus, it spread like wildfire, and I only made like 10 sales total, which I almost entirely re-invested buying the game for myself and a few friends.

This is the event that started the entire modding trend for Minecraft, in general. My original server software was succeeded by a Python script, and then eventually Bukkit.

Later, Notch hired the entire Bukkit dev team to form his "Mojang" company, when he finally decided to stop working as a solo developer. Then he made a cool 2 billion dollars selling the company.

I did the opposite of steal money from Notch. Fuck.

MH (~-) game stuff adjacent 

So, thinking about stuff and like, making games with actual level design (like not generated levels) and realizing how much handholding I need to get anything done.

Like hold my hand the entire time, don't let go, let me cry and do nothing for a while, but never let me alone, kinda.

I dunno, thoughts kinda a mess right now

It's big Friday & first baps of the year! :whats_this: Starting off with something new & shiny... namely a lesson in why one shouldn't shit-talk others behind their backs. ^-^;;
:heart_crown: :heart_crown:

My new year's resolution is 1080p 不不不不不不不不不不不不不不不不不不

MH (-), trauma 

I guess trauma is different, and me having triggers, that make holding a job impossible, is different to someone else being heavily traumatized, but not having those triggers?

But like, having a stable income of disposable money would be great to buy stuff like art and such to make myself happy

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